I've been battling depression since I was approximately 10-12 years old. When I was 17, my then-boyfriend introduced me to heroin, which, of course greatly helped the depression. For many years now I've been self-medicating; let me just pinpoint the issues to make this reading better:
- I went to detox when I was 17 to "kick" my heroin habit.
- I went to college, didn't use for some years and came back home, and picked back up; whatever I could get my hands on, which became mainly opiates in pill form
- I became hooked on Suboxone (bought "street") when someone told me I could stop taking the opiates, but it got me "high". That was that person's intention :(
- FINALLY asked for help, and went to rehab, only to leave after 10 days. They didn't put me in a detox first, I went through my withdrawals with people who'd already been through them at the hospital and could concentrate on getting better. Not to sound cliche, but I didn't see it working for me
- I went to NA when I returned home, feeling better and never wanting to touch that orange pill again. After about a month and a half...I did. Of course.
- I am only happy when I have it; can be around people, enjoy myself, think that things in my life are getting better because I'm thinking with an intoxicated head which of course makes everything feel good and look positive
- When I'm not "high", I'm so depressed. Paranoid. Feel no love for myself or anyone. Hopeless - COMPLETELY
- I am currently on antidepressants, which are not working (I've tried many in the past that also did not work, and realize I do need therapy
I don't want to live my life with a crutch. I understand that I can't be happy everyday. But I would at least like to be hopeful, funny (I've always had that on my side), optimistic and appreciate my life. I want my energy back. The desire to get out of my house to do things. I don't have that unless I'm high. Please...any helpful answers or opinions would be greatly appreciated! Thank you...
- I went to detox when I was 17 to "kick" my heroin habit.
- I went to college, didn't use for some years and came back home, and picked back up; whatever I could get my hands on, which became mainly opiates in pill form
- I became hooked on Suboxone (bought "street") when someone told me I could stop taking the opiates, but it got me "high". That was that person's intention :(
- FINALLY asked for help, and went to rehab, only to leave after 10 days. They didn't put me in a detox first, I went through my withdrawals with people who'd already been through them at the hospital and could concentrate on getting better. Not to sound cliche, but I didn't see it working for me
- I went to NA when I returned home, feeling better and never wanting to touch that orange pill again. After about a month and a half...I did. Of course.
- I am only happy when I have it; can be around people, enjoy myself, think that things in my life are getting better because I'm thinking with an intoxicated head which of course makes everything feel good and look positive
- When I'm not "high", I'm so depressed. Paranoid. Feel no love for myself or anyone. Hopeless - COMPLETELY
- I am currently on antidepressants, which are not working (I've tried many in the past that also did not work, and realize I do need therapy
I don't want to live my life with a crutch. I understand that I can't be happy everyday. But I would at least like to be hopeful, funny (I've always had that on my side), optimistic and appreciate my life. I want my energy back. The desire to get out of my house to do things. I don't have that unless I'm high. Please...any helpful answers or opinions would be greatly appreciated! Thank you...
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