Flat Earth Conspiratories: Why the Tide

I asked this question yesterday and was misunderstood as being a flat-earth conspirast.

But I'm just trying to get an answer for this. I don't think that gravity doesn't exist, I don't think that the world is flat, etc., but I'm addressing flat-earth people.

So if there's no such thing as gravity, (The earth is supposedly travelling upwards to make it seem like gravity) why the tide? How come it's always perfectly on time? I mean, if you just said that the tide was simply water sloshing about because the earth travelled upwards, that wouldn't make sense either, because the tide only comes at certain times.

...

Please, someone, don't misunderstand me...

The original Flat Earth Society (from half a century ago) was set up by a guy who really believed the Earth to be flat. This guy did participate in efforts to prove that the Lunar Landings were faked (and, as far as he was concerned, the entire space program, as you cannot orbit a flat Earth).

However, this guy died and, with him, the original purposes of the Flat Earth Society have disappeared.

The Flat Earth Society still exists, but it is now a place where people gather to learn how to debate losing sides. This may would weird for us, in science, but there are fields of work where this is a quality (criminal lawyers, for example). They still meet, they still run debates on questions that, in practice, should not even be open for debate, and they learn how to score points, even when they are stuck on the losing side.

If you think about it: if you are stuck with having to convince an audience that the Earth is really flat, how will you prepare your talk?

Now, compare that with having to defend some known criminal in court. Even if you are convinced this guy is the worst criminal on Earth, it is still your duty to try everything in your power. So you need to practice ahead of time... and the Flat Earth Society (modern version) gives you that opportunity.